Put a Quarter in the Christmas Vending Machine

by Robby Grant

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Bruce Carter
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Bruce Carter I really cannot pick one favorite track. It changes every time I listen all way through. Irene Claus and What is Nog also highly recommended. A+ Favorite track: Santa and the Mellow Double Guitar Solo.
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about

Every year we send out holiday songs to friends and family. Since this is a magical time of year we usually feel like it's appropriate to sing about magical things. These things include candy powered sleds, Christmas dragons, people turning into Christmas trees and mellow double guitar solos played by none other than Kris Kringle himself.

Enjoy!

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released December 1, 2016

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about

Robby Grant Memphis, Tennessee

As co-frontman of perennial genre-blurrers Big Ass Truck, Robby Grant spent the better part of the 90s touring, writing and recording his way around the U.S

A number of works followed over the next decade and a half, including 2015's Let The Little Things Go--the last of five albums released under Grant's sounds-like-a-band-but-it's-really-just-one-guy pen name, Vending Machine.
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Track Name: Lazy Christmas
Everyone seems busy around Christmastime
Making lists, giving gifts and getting you

But what’s the point if all you do is never see each other anyway?

We should just lay around the whole month of December
Get rid of this stuff that we always have to do
just me and you
we’ll lay around
and talk
to each other
declaring this from here on out that Lazy Christmas is here to stay

Everyone seems busy around Christmastime
Track Name: Irene Claus
Don’t call me Mrs. Claus
It’s only because
it makes me sound real old

My first name is Irene
The elves think I’m real mean
What they don’t know is how much I help santa go

CHORUS
Everyone thinks that Santa’s the boss
But he’s not, it me, Irene Claus

VERSE 2
Everyone always talks about him
They need to write more songs about me
I run everything around here / from new years to the christmas year

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Don’t get me wrong Santa’s the best
We’re a team that gets put through every test
From january 1 to december 25
we work hard to feel alive

SOLO (VERSE)

CHORUS 2X
Track Name: What Are You Going To Do With Your Christmas Money?
what are you gonna do
with your xmas money?

you're so hard
to buy for
i'm not sure what you like anymore
i hope i'm not too brash
if i just break down and give you some cash

what are you gonna do
with your xmas money?

a baby doll
some hot wheels
a ray gun
some new heels
a music thing-ma-do
a whatcha call it
i just don't what to get you and i don't want you to throw it away when it gets old

what are you gonna do
with your xmas money?

give it away

what are you gonna do
with your xmas money?
Track Name: Only Sweets for Christmas Dinner
your 1st cousin lee brought us the best tasting toffee
my drunk uncle wayne brought us the funniest tasting candy canes
get out the jelly worms
and the cinnamon twirls
with orange slices
and the peanut brittle
and the sugar almonds
and curly whirlies

crazy neighbor fred dropped off gingerbread it tastes good
baby huey's gonna get a lump of coal because he got into the sugar bowl
get out the sugar cookies
and the chocolate bon bons
and peppermint cremes
candied walnuts and butterscotch toffee
and german chocolate mint cremes

exchange student bjorn brought chocolate caramel corn from sweeden
your mother-in-law rolled up the best peanut butter balls
got sick on apple pips
and buckeyes with rhubarb custard
bring the ginger snaps
and peppermint bark
and double lollies
get the caramel custard
and the pumpkin truffles
and marzipan fruit
throw up cashew fudge
and then licorice whips
and turkish delight

christmas sweets!
Track Name: Christmas Magic Mistletoe
the best way to get mistletoe
is get a boat and then you go
with a shotgun shoot to the top of the trees

berries from the mistletoe
hit the deck and they grow
the boat slowly overflows with magic christmas trees

ho ho ho he he he
i've got my friends with me
ho ho ho we go
down stream

the boat starts to take shape
of a christmas tree we shake
the berries from the mistletoe turn a golden hue

ants start to crawl around
at closer look on the ground
they are really santa's elves making you some toys

ho ho ho he he he
i've got my friends with me
ho ho ho we go
down stream

the best thing about the boat
is when it stops and doesn't float
we sit around and talk about things from last year

birthdays, trips and babies born
books you read, when your clothes got torn
the christmas magic mistletoes grows here every year.

ho ho ho he he he
i've got my friends with me
ho ho ho we go
down stream
Track Name: Christmas Limbs
the north star
shined so bright it blinded me
and I ran into a christmas tree
and it fell right on top of me
i stood up and my

arms were branches
hair was tinsel
and feet were presents with bows
now you know

my eyes turned christmas lights
fingers changes to ornaments
when i got scared all my pine needles fell out
and the kids shout

they said help him
my future it looked grim
go my whole life needing a trim
that's when one kid grabbed me by my limbs
and took me inside

cut off my branches
pulled off the tinsel
opened my presents as shoes
now they do

peeled off the christmas lights
broke off all the ornaments
now i could see the star
that blinded me when I got here
and they all cheered
Track Name: Robby Grant and Shelby Bryant - What is Nog
Have you ever wondered about
this thing they call egg nog
sure it's made from eggs
but what's this thing called nog?
it's the thing they mix with eggs to make egg nog.

i like to drink egg nog
when it's christmastime
or when it's hanukkah
i like to have a cup
what's inside this thing that they call nog?

you get 11 eggs
and you crack them on your legs
then you drop it in a bowl with
an old jelly roll
then you whisk them up right
with a string of christmas lights
and add cream
and sugar
and whiskey
and a pinch of nutmeg
that's your egg nog

i like to drink egg nog
with friends and family
wish that i could drink it all year long
but it goes away when christmastime is gone
Track Name: Santa and the Mellow Double Guitar Solo
Santa Santa
It's christmas night again
Santa Santa
We're waiting in the wind

All us elves in the North Pole
We cannot wait til you get home
To celebrate all that we have done
Strike up the band
play til morning comes

Santa Santa
we will play your favorite songs
Santa Santa
please don't be long

all the elves come from near and far
to hear Zinx on the bass guitar
and Sam on the drums he left at the bar
last year
when he saw stars

Santa Santa
now that you are here
Santa Santa
put up your reindeer

Mori's guitar is all in tune
Bobby's keys on the stage are strewn
please remember the solo that you learned
it's a double one
mellow but it burns
Track Name: Candy Powered Sled
on the main street of the north pole
there's a store thats selling bootleg DVDs
and jewelry
and one thing i really want

it's a candy powered sled
it's a candy powered sled

so i took outside
and realized
i didn't have any fuel
to get it off the ground
one of santa's elves
walked right by
and had the biggest candy cane i'd ever seen

it's a candy powered sled
you want to ride on my sled?
it's a candy powered sled
you want to ride on my sled?

woooooooooooooooooooo!
Track Name: Fly On, Christmas Dragon
you say you want to go to the north pole
to help out santa
cause the elves are gonna need help

we can ask a friend
to fly us up there
in a helicopter or plane

but when we tried to phone him
he didn't answer
then i remember something real old

that if you call out real loud
the best ride in town
will come down from the sky

DRRAGGGON!!!!!
fly on christmas dragon
fly on christmas dragon
you take us up where we go
fly on christmas dragon

it tickled him when you go on
and he breathed fire
was a chocolate factory up north

as the last fire truck wrapped up
we drank hot chocolate
then we heard them call from above

DRRAGGGON!!!!!
fly on christmas dragon
you take us up where we go
the north pole